They're trying to kill us!

Not really, but I'm crazy busy.

I had those two exams over past weekend, I have another tomorrow, another this weekend, and a problem set.

On top of that, in addition to my classes tomorrow (which is 5 hours), I have to have my photo taken for the Admissions web site, I have to meet with my Zingerman's consulting team, I have to do said problem said, and I have to meet with the Emerging Markets folks. It's gonna be a 13 hour day!

Eating out of boxes.

Tonight I made pad thai out of a box. I added the tofu and the veggies, but it was, indisputably, a box dinner. I'm not proud of this fact. But I don't have any time!

Why do so many folks focus on the "30 minute" meal business. How about "15 minute meal" so that I can eat and clean up in the remaining 15 minutes? I think it's time to innovate on the quick yummy meal front.

MId-western atrocities.

I heard Michigan played a really good game today. At least for about half the game.

I wouldn't know. I was in the library.

Michigan does a funny thing -- and by funny I mean, funny haha in a "you've got to be kidding me" kind of way. They give us exams over the weekend.

Now, I don't mean the kind of exams where you have to show up and solve some problems. Oh, no. These are the kind you download and do at your leisure. In other words: The ones you work on for the entire weekend.

And this weekend we had two. On a home-game weekend. It's practically illegal. In fact, it's not illegal enough. It should be more illegal to do such atrocious things.

Bolt Bus, Target.

Yesterday I read this article in the NYTimes. I promptly bought a $15 ticket to take me from New York to DC in October. For my return trip, I will be going to Harrisburg from DC ($28) on another busline, and then I will be going to New York from Harrisburg ($60). Tax on the rural!

I also went to my first corporate presentation the other day -- Target Corp. Target is one of my favorite stores, and I thought it might be an interesting place to work. Unfortunately, their presentation was a lot more about their full-time positions than their internship, so I still have no idea if it interests me or not for the summer. Time to reconsider my attendance policy at these things.

It's been a good week.

You know how they say that it takes 3 weeks to make or break a habit? And how one day, after something bad, you just wake up and feel better? They're both true.

Firstly, I'm finally in the habit of being a student again, I think. It's suddenly more comfortable. It's been a good week.

Secondly, it's been a good week. I shouldn't refer to coming to school as something "bad" but one day I woke and things just felt a lot better.

While I will always miss New York food (I never stop being hungry so I think about food all the time), there is only one other thing sort of making me a little lonely these days, and that's not having people I really click with. Which isn't to say that there aren't a ton of people around here that I like. But I feel like I'm a pretty open person and that it's usually me being open and everyone else being...not as open. That could change, or it might not.

I'm tempted to shoot some folks I like an email, and say "I don't know you very well, but I think you're cool. Would you like to meet for tea/coffee/steak?" but that would just let people know I have no social skills, and why let them in on that little secret?

Things I miss: revised.

1. Going to the movies!
2. Bagels and cream cheese! (real ones)
3. Getting a little tipsy at brunch at Isabella's!
4. Bread bowls at Pomodoro!
5. Cheesy bway shows!
6. Sitting on Jill's couch!
7. Swiffer!
8. Those nuts carts on street corners that smell yummy!
9. Greasy, fake Chinese food!
10. SEA in Billyburg!
11. Laughing Lotus!
12. Watching TV at S's house!
13. Ordering in!
14. Street lights!
15. The sounds of car horns!
16. Police!
17. Grocery stores that deliver!
18. The BKLYN/BNX/QNS crew!
19. Central Park!
20. Kosher Indian food!
21. Cafes with good French food!
22. Crepes!
23. Flowers at delis!
24. Delis!
25. Katz's!
26. Knishes!
27. The Mud Truck!
28. Gelato!
29. Being able to locate myself on a map of the US/current state!
30. The Hudson River!

Lunch.

Today I had lunch with CK Pahalad, via the Emerging Markets Club here at RSB. I was afraid that he'd be intimidating, or perhaps not so into students, but he turned out to be very nice, indeed.

While we nibbled on pizza, he offered us some summations of his theories as they pertain to emerging markets (make new business models, find a way to drastically reduce the capital investment you need to make, de-skill work).

And he also spoke briefly, at my request, at addressing the issue of poverty in places like the US -- he recommended I check out the work being done by the Aspen Institute, which I will surely do when I get a free moment.

Niches.

We spend a lot of time in class talking about niche markets. They can be very profitable, or they can kill you.

So it goes with social circles.

Welcome to b-school, where you're suddenly thrown into a bunch of social circles you probably would have avoided in the past. Everyone is a good person at first, especially that first month. You try to be friends with everyone. And then their true motivations come out. Insensitive comments like "I don't want any friends here, I'm here to get a better job," come out of their mouths. You get sick and they don't care. They pass you in their car in the pouring rain.

This isn't eveyone, and I'm not certainly not trying to say that it is.

But I've realized the importance of owning your own situation and owning yourself, your interests, your goals, and your values. I feel like this is something I relearn every time I'm faced with a new situation. You can't expect other people to believe in what you do. You have to be ready for your beliefs to be criticized and you have to not let that get you down. You have to be willing to be crunchy-granola, watch people roll their eyes. It's okay. They're not bad people. But they're not necessarily going to be my friend.

In the end, the small circle of good things you form around yourself can make or break you. But is it even really about making or breaking anything?

That's not you, is it?

Tonight I mentioned to Saulo, a classmate and fellow Emerging Markets Club pot-lucker, that I was in the General Management club. He scrunched up his face.

"That's not you, is it? General Management?"

I mean, I have my reasons for being in various clubs -- I'm also in the Consulting Club, though, to be honest, the more I think about mainstream consulting, the more I can't stand myself.

But he has a point. Is it me? I would love to say yes, but I think if you got me in an honest moment, I would probably say no. When I sit down and imagine my ideal future, it doesn't really involve a suit or florescent lighting or white walls. It involves being out in the world, finding out where it's broken, and fixing stuff.

So, it got me thinking about how I present myself here, and so, without further ado, things I will stop apologizing for right now, either to myself or to the world:

1) Being genuinely interested in repairing the world, or at least the active pursuit of this notion.
2) Wanting to get my hands dirty.
3) Being a God-believer and follower.
4) Attempting to be mindful of other people even if they do not always (or ever) return the favor.
5) Aspiring to be the kind of person that makes every other person feel loved.
6) Talking to my mom ten times a day.
7) Having been an English major.
8) Liking children's books.
9) Liking showtunes.
10) Wearing tragically mismatched clothing.
11) Wanting to get married and have children.
12) Hating the Da Vinci Code.
13) Missing my New York friends.
14) Not being interested in beer pong or fratty bars.

Academic injury #1.

I woke up yesterday morning gung-ho for a trip to the gym. I was all decked out in my running shorts and sneakers and on my way out the door. When I got to the second step, however, the wind was knocked out of me by a muscle spasm around my rib cage, all the way around.

I paused. It didn't stop. I slowly turned around, and went back inside, where I collapsed on the couch. As soon as I did, I wondered if I would be able to get back up. My abdominal muscles began to join my back muscles in painful spasms. I forced myself to get up and walk to the bedroom, where I crawled right back into bed and googled-chatted with all my friends who I thought knew what to do for this kind of thing. I'd had it before, but never quite so badly. I took it easy yesterday and kept a heating pad behind my back.

So I feel a little better today, though, turning from side to side and any kind of twisting is still very painful. I woke up every time I rolled over last night, and I still can't really pick anything up.

I blame this all on my backpack, which I've had since 2001, having found it abandoned in a closet in an Italian hostel. It's not the best backpack, but it's just never died, and so I've never been able to justify replacing it. Well, until now. Last night I ordered a small day-pack from REI, which should be here by next Monday. By then I should be able to pick up the UPS box that it'll come in.

Oops.

Okay, so I go to MICHIGAN, as does everyone else who received this email from a well-known consulting firm.

WellKnownConsultingFirm is one of the world’s leading management consulting, technology services and outsourcing companies. We are looking for exceptional graduates from Wharton to join our consulting team and deliver the innovative solutions that help our clients become high-performance businesses.

The invite then goes on to list the location of the MICHIGAN meet and greet. Forget to proofread, much?

Shakespeare said something about this....

I came to business school for the reasons I mentioned in my applications: to contribute something positive to the world, to leave it a little better for having been here, to fulfill a call to service.

Now at school, however, it's easy to be swayed in other directions. Do consulting! No, no -- General Managment! Salary talk, money matters. It's hard not to explore other options.

And yet, even while exploring ideas that sound "interesting" I generally find myself being unhappy here for no completely discernible reason. Dragging myself to class, to club meetings, to group study sessions, to happy hours (rarely), and back home to call it an early night.

And then, something happens. I go to a meeting, I get an opportunity, and things change. Yesterday, I found out I'd be having lunch with CK Prahalad on Monday. Can I tell you I was on cloud nine for about 5 hours? Spending time with the EMC or the NI folks reminds me why I'm here, that I'm not the lone wolf interested in social justice and poverty alleviation.

When I was 19 and a writing student at Tisch, I remember saying to my therapist (we all had therapists, it was part of the art-school scene), "I wish I could love finance. But I don't."

Ironically, I'm kind of back in that place, wishing I could be drawn to the prospect of money rather than controlled by a passion of one sort or another, which always seems to be more alienating than anything else.

Liked yourself? Go to b-school.

Our strategy professor is pretty intimidating. He'll ask your opinion, and 9 times out of 10 he'll disagree with it. And not just disagree with it, he generally says it's flat out wrong. He does this to everyone, so we deal with it, but it doesn't make us feel particularly smart. Add to that the fact that every other class is also kind of kicking our rear ends, and I think at this point in our b-school careers us MBA1s are feeling pretty stupid.

So let me set the stage for our strategy class today. Most of the class was up all night writing our first hand-in assignment, an analysis and recommendation for TiVo. We have a pretty general discussion about it, and then the professor starts to talk about the assignment.

"You had to discuss their options going forward. The case listed four. What were they?" We couldn't agree. My heart was beating fast and hard because I didn't remember ever seeing a list of options. I had made mine up for the paper.

Professor kept calling on people. No one was sure what he was looking for. Eventually, someone raised their hand and said that we didn't have a list of options in our case. The Intimidator grabbed a coursepack and took a look. Sure enough, we had a different version of the case.

We're so used to being wrong that we just assume that we screwed up as individuals, and not that the professor had made a mistake. Grr.

Quick morning thoughts.

The doorknob on the bathroom door was a little funny a moment ago, it stuck when I tried to open it. It caused me to take pause, and wonder for a moment, oddly without panic, about what I would do if I ended up locked inside the bathroom.

"Well," I thought, "I wouldn't have my phone, so I couldn't call anyone." This thought actually brought me more relief than panic, and I thought about what I could do if completely locked inside the bathroom all day until my roommate came home: curl up and take a nap on the towels.

Lessons learned so far.

I've been here about a week and a quarter (to be a week and a half at day's end) and so far I've learned that I don't know anything and that when given a chance, people will waste your time, and everything is relative (sometimes).

Case in point: Last night I had the first "all member" meeting of an organization I joined quite some time ago. In fact, I've been a member of the national chapter for a VERY long time. And what was this first, 2 hour, all-member meeting? Yet another sales pitch to join the club. Yup, quite a waste of time.

All clubs should be required to post meeting agendas. There was nothing that happened last night that couldn't have been expressed in an email or a posting to their website.

And another thing: dichotomy rules. You should both get started on your career search and do nothing for the time being. You should start networking but not actually get in touch with anyone. You should have done your resume in June when you were asked to, but you should do it now with the requirements we're actually going to set for you now. Oh, and you both are ready and qualified for all of these jobs and but don't forget you're also an idiot. Six clubs is way too many! Except when it's not enough.

Politics. Gasp!

Anyone who knows me knows I was pretty ambivalent during the Democratic primaries (I'm a registered democrat who is willing to vote anyway she pleases regardless of the ticket). When Obama won, I wasn't surprised, and I wasn't disappointed, I knew I would probably vote for him, though I was also willing to listen to what McCain had to say (but when I did, wasn't impressed).

But now, NOW, oh, now it's...it's a different ballgame all together. The gloves have been thrown DOWN with the nomination of Palin as the Republican VP. This inexperienced Barbie doll of a candidate.

"Only in the great nation of America America, and only with the Republican party, can a woman with no experience, who doesn't even know the job description, and who has never governed more than four people, be elected to one of the highest offices in the country. Ladies, if you're pretty and dress well, and let your children take care of your other children while on the campaign trail, you, too, could be VB. Er, VP! Oops! Teehee!"

I'm personally offended and disgusted, and can hardly believe it's actually happening.

A new neighbor.

Tonight I was sitting on the couch reading while my roommate was next door helping the neighbors with a computer problem. We often leave the door wide open when we're going back and forth for ease of movement and for cross-ventilation, and tonight was no exception.

So there I was: reading reading highlighting reading.

I paused and looked up.

I saw a little cat face just to the right of the sofa.

A cat had wandered into the apartment!!

"Ahhh!" I said, thinking of all the fleas that were jumping off of it onto the hardwood floors. I jumped up and ran toward it as it made a mad dash for my bedroom. I cut it off and closed the door while it ran to the other side of the living room.

I ran across the hall "HELP!!! THERE'S A STRAY CAT IN MY HOUSE!! HELP!!!" M came to help me get it out, and just as we got to the door of her apartment, I saw the kitty coming toward me. Just moseying along, his fat belly swaying from side to side. I tried to lure it out. He turned out to be friendly when I wasn't barreling at him trying to kick him out of my house. I petted him at the doorway and a girl across the parking lot yelled "HE'S MINE!"

Apparently, the kitty is another neighbor of ours.

It begins!

So the last few hours before school starts are here, and dwindling - my first class is at 10:20 am. I've done a lot of reading and "studying" in preparation for tomorrow and Wednesday's first classes, but I'd be lying if I said I felt prepared for all of this. I'm turning my apartment into a war room -- a dry erase to go on the bedroom wall, so I wake up in the morning thinking about what I need to think about, perhaps the whole day's agenda (okay, I haven't bought that yet, but I will). I already have club meetings this weekend; my evenings are packed. I've picked up Catholic groups and volunteer work and athletics and professional groups.

It's hard to say what I'm looking forward to or dreading; I still feel like each day is a part of the world I've never seen before. While it's always possible to say each day is a new day, each new day here has been so entirely new, without precedent. While this has been kind of exciting and what I was looking for, it's also kept me slightly on edge, uncomfortable, and time has passed very slowly. I can hardly believe I've only been here one month; but on the other hand I can hardly believe that the end of the wait has come.